Reconciliation With Your Family Before Your Wedding Day at Berkshire Ridge Wedding Venue South of St. Louis
Weddings are a profound milestone in a couple’s lives. They not only unite the couple getting married, but also the families. We have seen firsthand at Berkshire Ridge the celebration of genuine love and harmonious bonds, but we have also seen the tension from unresolved issues of the past. These gatherings often illuminate the unresolved family issues and unfortunately if not addressed well in advance, these issues can influence the course of the celebration. We have also seen the power of reconciliation. We have insights and steps to share with you throughout this blog to give you valuable information and a guide for those looking to mend relationships paving the way for a wedding day that is joyous and in harmony!
Let’s start with the uncomfortable…
If I could get on a bullhorn and shout to the world, “FORM A BOND WITH YOUR CHILD THAT CAN’T BE SEVERED - AND IF YOU DON’T - DON’T SHOW UP ON THEIR WEDDING DAY LIKE YOU HAVE BEEN THERE FOR THEM THEIR WHOLE LIFE!!” If people would listen and heed this advice then this post would be obsolete.
CONSEQUENCES OF NOT RECONCILING OR LAST MINUTE RECONCILIATION
Unexpected Arrival: If the family member is not invited but they show up anyway, this can cause a whirlwind of emotions - adding much stress for the couple and their guest
Disruptions: There could be the potential for a physical altercation
Discomfort: Your guest may feel caught in the middle of this situation
Ceremony: The unexpected guest could affect seating arrangements and schedules of the ceremony
Photography: Including of excluding this family member could create awkward situations
Addressing unresolved family issues or brokenness should begin way before your wedding day. Waiting until close to your wedding day can lead to complications and missed opportunities for a new genuine bond to form.
STEPS TO RECONCILIATION MONTHS OR EVEN YEARS IN ADVANCE
What are your motives? Ensure before the reconciliation that you are coming from a place of healing and not just doing this because of external pressures.
The First Contact: Start with an email or a letter. Make this simple and do not make it attacking. You should express your thoughts and feelings about reconnecting. This allows for both people to process their emotions without the pressure of doing this in person.
Boundaries: In the letter you may discuss topics to avoid and acceptable behaviors to promote a safe relationship.
Discuss your motivations (goals) to reconcile
Discuss what cannot be discussed - stay on positive topics
Talk about how often you will communicate and the method
Financial thoughts: be transparent about the wedding expenses and what they can help with or maybe this isn’t even something you want to discuss.
Wedding Participation: Plan and discuss their roles in the wedding and make sure you consider both your comfort and the dynamics of your other family members and guests.
Prioritize Your Health: access your emotional health and take steps that focus on you being healthy
Neutral Meeting Place: A coffee cafe or a park is a casual comfortable environment that will help with relaxed conversation.
Expect Gradual: Know and understand that this process takes time and it is a slow process. Don’t expect in one meeting all will be resolved. This is why you should start months out (years if possible) from your wedding date.
Future Focus: Yes, you have a past and yes, you should acknowledge those issues, but don’t stay there. Concentrate on moving forward and building a new positive relationship.
Celebrate the Small: A broken relationship takes time to heal. Even if it is just a positive text or a call, that's a win! Keep doing the small things.
Tell Your Partner: Keep your fiance’ in the loop. They can provide much needed support and emotional strength during this time.
Professional Help: Consider a therapist or counselor to help provide a safe place and navigate complex family dynamics and improve your communications.
Be Ready for ANY outcome: Reconciliation is a two-way street. Be prepared for your parent not to be responsive to your efforts and make sure you put your well-being as a priority.
At Berkshire Ridge we want your wedding day to be full of love, happiness and fun! We encourage couples and their families to pursue the journey of forgiveness and healing ensuring that this milestone in the couples’ lives is a testament to love, unity and new beginnings.
Berkshire Ridge would love to give you a tour! Contact us today
From Our Venue to Your Love Story - Kim
Berkshire Ridge is a locally owned and operated business just south of St. Louis, Missouri. We sincerely hope to encourage our couples to learn more about the value and importance of choosing a locally owned business when it is time to book your wedding venue and vendors. Locally owned venues will offer a high level of hospitality, attentive communication and a desire to ensure your wedding exceeds expectations. We are thrilled to support wedding venue owners from around the country with a shout out in our blog!
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